By: Deanna Drogan

I in no way claim to know everything, but I feel like when I pick topics to write about, I choose topics that I feel I have a pretty good grasp on. But this time I wanted to try to write on something that I still don’t quite understand in hopes that maybe towards the end of this entry, I might have a new revelation from the Holy Spirit about the subject.

I would say I find that for me, seasons and moments of anxiety are often brought up by one very unsettling question: am I doing enough?

This is a pretty broad question but could be applicable in various areas. Am I doing enough to achieve the goals and dreams that I have? Am I doing enough to be the friend, sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, (fill in the blank) that I need to be? Have I done enough to make sure that this is the right next step in my career, or the right location to live in, or the people to live with? Am I doing enough to prove I was an employee worth hiring? Am I doing enough to keep my body healthy and live a life of longevity? The list goes on and on.

AGH. Just writing this is giving me anxiety because now I am starting to ponder all of these questions. Allow me to take a moment to become cartoon Lizzie McGuire and pop the multiple imaginary thought bubbles surrounding me right now.

I can honestly say that one of the hardest things that I often wrestle with as a believer is the tension between fully surrendering to a sovereign God, and actively doing my part. I mean I feel like the whole Bible is a collection of stories of many people who both surrendered and acted simultaneously.

I think of Noah who acted in building the ark but then surrender to God, trusting that once built, all of the exact measurements God gave Noah for the ark would in fact sustain him and his family as God flooded the Earth.

I think of Moses who stood in front of the Red Sea and acted by stretching out his rod and staff over the sea and surrendered to God, trusting that God would act and part the sea for them to walk through.

I think of the boy in the feeding of the 5,000 who acted by offering the little that he had and surrender to God, trusting that he would multiply that to feed the hungry people around him.

There are countless examples of God working through the obedience and faith of His people to make some sort of move, even if it was small. It sounds backwards to ask the question, “what do I need to do to surrender?”

Lately I have been drawn to the story of Mary and Martha, a story about a seeker and a doer. In this quick but crucial story, Jesus teaches us a lesson that I think helps get to the bottom of the answer to this complex question.

In the story, Martha opens her home to Jesus and the disciples. When they arrive, Martha has a hard time even enjoying being in Jesus’ presence because she is too distracted with hosting and making sure things were in order. On the other hand, her sister Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus keyed in on what He is saying.

Martha gets frustrated with Mary and almost plays a little tattle tail on her to the Lord of the universe. YIKES. “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” Luke 10 verse 40 writes. Dang Martha. Jesus responds by saying in verses 41 & 42, “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I wish what this story was saying was that I never have to clean my house or do any of my chores again, however I’m not quite sure that is the message. Chores among other things like I listed above (career, health, relationships) are important and can be God-glorifying. However I think the KEY to learning how to surrender is still doing all of these things well, but recognizing that sitting with Jesus and seeking His face is the most important thing. It is realizing that we CAN afford to prioritize Him and His presence and trust that all of our wildest dreams, hopes, endeavors, day-today tasks, fears, and chores won’t fall through the cracks if we stop moving for a moment. This is true surrender.

It is good to DO, but might I argue that it is actually more powerful to SEEK. Once we can grasp this concept, I don’t think the fact that sometimes God calls us to act or moves goes away (hence Noah, Moses, and feeding of the 5,000 boy), but perhaps we stop believing the lie that our action outweighs God’s power and sovereignty.

Someone once reminded me that sleep is a gift from God. They didn’t necessarily need to remind me of this because I know this to be true… However I was reminded of the fact that sleep is an opportunity to let God continue to be God while we become powerless. In a sense, sometimes sleep can look like a form of surrender as we trust that while we prioritize the rest that God desires for us, we can trust that during this time He is fully in control.

As I mentioned above, I think more times than not, my experiences with anxiety stem from feeling as though I am not doing enough. And the truth is, I am sure there are times that I am not doing enough. But does this mean that God’s whole plan for my life will crumble and I will begin to fall apart? That’s certainly what my brain thinks sometimes. Maybe the point is that I can NEVER do enough. I am not God. I cannot see the plan start to finish. I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. I don’t always know the strategy. I don’t always know the right way to go. But I am convinced that if we get to a place where we are more like Mary than Martha in the scenario of Luke 10, we can rest in the one who knows the answers to all of these questions.

I want to close with lyrics to a song I have had on repeat lately. You most likely know it. And might I recommend the Josh Garrels version…

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
  In the light of His glory and grace.”